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Some Wounds...; Open to anyone who was in inVERsion
Topic Started: Jun 2 2011, 04:07 AM (443 Views)
Sybilus
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Kaede watches Lavender Sensei left, and looks at Erin again. She could tell, exactly, what Erin is going through, simply because she went through the same exact thing. She also knew that Lavender Sensei left simply because she felt that time would allow Erin to think properly through. However, Kaede also knew that if Erin is left to be, it may become dangerous for her. It became dangerous for she herself at one point, where she wanted to commit suicide simply because she wasn't able to live with the guilt that she bear by having almost killed Damon.

Of course, Damon would have said something nice and gentle had he decided to speak up. This person, Lorenzo, would probably not say anything either. He hasn't said a word ever since he entered except for introducing herself.

But she won't be doing such thing. She cannot let Erin slip in her thinking and come even slightly close to being self-destructive.

She closes her eyes, and opens them again.

SLAP!

The next minute, the people in the room would find Kaede's right hand grabbing onto Erin's collar, pulling the young aeromancer's entire body up, and her left hand is in midair, almost parallel to Erin's cheeks. There is almost no kindness on Kaede's expression. Instead, it was a face of seriousness.

Kaede looks at Erin, her eyes burning with anger. She puts her left hand down, but her right hand is still grabbing onto Erin, not wanting to let the girl go. Not one bit.

"Is this how you want to live your life?" Kaede begins, rather harshly at her words. "Absorbing yourself in an illusion that you are the most miserable person on earth because you tried to bring harm onto your comrades?"

This is probably one of the harshest speech that Kaede would have given to someone, but Kaede still thinks that she needs to say something to the girl. It's better to wake her up immediately to face the problem, instead of having her dwell her way into the deepest corner of her agony.

"Look around you. Did you really hurt anyone? Did you even come close to hurt ANYONE of us?" Kaede begins, "No. In fact, YOU are the only person who is sitting here at the hospital right now. None of us who tried to help you is lying besides you. You stopped yourself before you really hurt someone. That's all that mattered. If you think that you need punishment, then you, by lying here, has already received it."

Her expression then softens by a little, and releases Erin back onto her bed. She then takes a seat at where Lavender sensei was sitting, and uses her hands to force Erin to look at her, so that the young aeromancer can look at her to the eyes to know that she is telling the truth from her own experience, but not some kind of sympathetic speech. "Look, Erin. I have been in the same shoes that you are in right now. I have hurt people against my wills before. And when I say that, I mean, I almost killed them. They were all on the hospital bed as long as I was, and maybe even longer."

She points at Damon, the exact person who Erin was trying to find when she was affected by the orange materia. "Damon. The person I cared for the most. I beat him up to the point where he couldn't fight anymore. I was, even, one second away from killing him with my own hands, and my own power."

She then points at the flowers that Erin has received. "Chizu. She was trying to rescue me. And guess what? She ended up staying in the hospital just as long as I did."

Kaede's eyes express grieve, sorrow, and a thick, unhidden layer of guilt as she recalled her own experiences. "The people who are closest to me, I ended up bringing them to harm. The people who I tried to protect the most, I ended up almost killing them. The people who I love the most… I ended up breaking their hearts."

"And here I am. Standing in front of you, in front of them, in front of everyone. Bearing the same feeling of guilt that I have had ever since, yet still living my life. I considered taking my own life away to lessen my guilt. I even tried. But I gave up half way through." Kaede continues, and reveals to Erin, as well as everyone around her, the one thing that she hasn't told anyone, not even Chizu, or Damon.

"Because this is a life that the people I cared for have saved. This is a life that was faulted, and then was corrected by the people I love. This is a life that, I have since sworn, needs to be spent on continue to protect those that I love and I owe, prevent others to fall in in the same way I did, and to repent for my sins." Kaede begins to soften her words, as a bit of tears begin to dwell up in her eyes. It is the first time she told anyone about her true feelings, and she really wish it would not be the way that Erin would feel. She has been living with this feeling for over 2 years, and she knows that this feeling is as horrible as a living hell.

"Erin, my dear," Kaede's expression finally softens back into the original she, the gentle, caring Akita-sensei that everyone knows at school, "I won't ask you to stop blaming yourself for what happened. I know it is impossible. All I am going to ask you is, after blaming yourself, find out what you can do to show the people who saved you your gratitude, and what you can do to make up for whatever harm you felt that you have created."

"As long as you know where you went wrong, prevent yourself from doing the same thing again, and move on from there, that is all you need." She finally stops, and gives Erin a pat on the head.

This is probably really harsh for her to swallow all of these kind treatment and rough scolding all at once, and Kaede feels terrible for doing so. However, she'd rather be the evil person who wakes Erin up with her rough way, than to leave Erin be at her own sulking stage.

She really prays for Erin to wake up and see for herself. This is really not the worst case possible. At least Damon is still alive.
Edited by Sybilus, Jun 16 2011, 04:43 AM.
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Captain
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...Jesus.

As soon as Lavender left, Kaede...she...uh...WOW. She let loose on Erin. Recounting that horrible time, one he still had nightmares over. But it looks like, obviously, Kaede had much worse memories. Not that he could be surprised. It was just surprising to hear the full details of it all. Some things, he had no clue about.

She tried to kill herself...but stopped halfway through. He was ETERNALLY grateful for that, but still, hearing that, it was something...Strong. Strong feelings, that he knew Erin would likely also feel. He could only imagine what it is like to turn against people. He'd never had it happen to him, and god willing, it would never happen.

No words he could say would possibly ever match what was just said. To even bother would be to dilute the effect of what Kaede just said and did. All he could do was put a hand on Erin's shoulder. He gave them both a nod. Kaede was right. Really, a person's life was never their own. It belonged to them, and the people close to them.
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Erin
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Edits her posts too much
Erin was speechless for a long time. She had never seen Kaede get angry before. She didn't know if she was crying from being slapped or being yelled at (or yelled to), but through most of Kaede's speech, she just stared back up at her with teary, fear-widened eyes.

The stinging pain from the slap faded away with time. The girl didn't know what to say. She kept looking up at her, stunned. After a while, Erin just looked down. She wanted to think, but her brain was too scrambled. Everyone else had time to recover, but she had only just woken up - from her perspective, she had been brainwashed less than an hour ago.

She just...needed time to make sense of things...
Edited by Erin, Jun 18 2011, 03:09 PM.
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Captain
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Damon slowly stood up, after watching Erin's reaction. He walked to the other side of the bed and put a hand on Kaede's shoulder, shaking his head. Kaede had said her words, and knew nothing more could be said, really. He looked back down to Erin, his frown a bit deeper. He couldn't blame her for feeling like this. He just...Couldn't.

"I think, we'd better go for now. But, if you want us Erin...just let a Sylph know. We'll be here, right away." He said, before exiting the room, putting his hand over his forehead as soon as he was outside of the room. It was times like this where he felt that despite all his powers, he was powerless.

Well. No. No time to sit about and do nothing. He had things to do. He had to make sure this wouldn't happen to another student, another friend, on his watch.
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Sybilus
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Kaede sighs. It is, indeed, way too much for Erin to dissolve all of these information at once.

It cannot be blamed, because it would be a lot for Erin to dissolve, that the "oh-so-successful" aquamancer in front of her has also gone through the stage that she has been to before. It also cannot be blamed, since Erin has JUST waken up from being terrified from what she has tried to do earlier under the influence of Orange Materia, and probably has not been able to accept this fact yet.

Now that Kaede has delivered the punches in words, it would probably take even more time for Erin to consider. Hopefully, her words would at least balance out half of what Erin has felt, and maybe could help her to move towards a more positive direction mentally, instead of being extremely negative like she did.

She feels the weight on the shoulder, and knows immediately that Damon is telling her not to push the girl anymore. She could understand why, too. She, in fact, is not going to try pushing anymore. It seems that Erin has already been forced to take up more than enough on her plate.

She sighs again, and stands up. She gives Erin's hand another squeeze, and proposes an offer to the young aeromancer. "If you feel like you need some physical exercise to think through your matter, or if you just need someone other than Chizu to talk to, you can always come to the Water Tower to find me."

She then lets the girl's hand go, and walks out of the room along with Damon. He is right, the poor girl needs some time to think right now.

This is as much as she can do, after her speech.
Edited by Sybilus, Jun 19 2011, 02:00 AM.
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Jusuchin
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Homuvatars: Randomized Escalation
Lorenzo shifted uneasily. Giving a respectful nod, he left.
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